Stand Out & Be Proud

Azora Quote
Sometimes Azora marches to the beat of her own drum!

I saw this quote the other day and it got me thinking about my current situation. I am living in a foreign country. I don’t speak the language fluently, I am new to the city and don’t fit in. Sure I have the Nordic features, blonde hair, pale skin, but as soon as I open my mouth it is clear that I am not from here.

Does that mean I don’t fit in?

For the most part I don’t feel like an outsider and feel quite comfortable in my surroundings. There is one thing though that makes me feel like I don’t fit in and that is the language barrier I face on a daily basis.

Recently I have been feeling myself getting overwhelmed again with the Icelandic language. When I was attending language classes I was getting much more comfortable with the language spoken around me. Now I can feel myself going back to old ways where I want to avoid things that will require me to be around Icelandic.

A recent example of my struggle with letting this language barrier make me feel like I don’t fit in was this past weekend. H and I were at Ikea in the check out line. The check out line is always hectic so as we were being rushed along I pulled out my new Icelandic bank card to use on the debit machine for the first time. I asked for H to help explain it to me and of course I couldn’t remember my pin number.

Feeling even more stressed now I panicked and turned to H. The cashier began speaking in Icelandic to H about my card and I felt myself just wanting to run and hide. Having others talk about you and you not know what is going on is such an uncomfortable feeling. H usually will speak English but I just wanted to be out of that check out line as fast as possible and for them to communicate quickly so I could get away from the stares (pretty sure no one was paying attention but I felt like they were).

After we got my card issue all sorted out and we were headed back home H asked me why those situations made me uncomfortable. It got me thinking, why do they make me uncomfortable? If I was back at home I would not have felt any stress in a situation like that. Was it just because of the language barrier?

Then I realized, it is the language barrier but it is more than just not understanding Icelandic. When I have to speak English I am worried of what others are thinking of me.

Before I open my mouth I blend in just fine. Once I start speaking English though I am worried that others are thinking I am disrespectful for living in their country and not speaking their language. Or I worry that they think I don’t belong here and that I will never fit it.

After voicing these concerns to H I began to realize this is a bit ridiculous of me. Most every one I have met in Iceland have been nothing but welcoming to me and are more than accommodating in speaking English to me. The majority of Icelanders speak excellent English and I appreciate their willingness to speak English to me. I know it is not their native language and I know what a struggle it can be to speak a foreign language, hence my current battle with Icelandic.

Back to the quote.

After all this was talked about I realized, sure I don’t fit exactly in since I am not from here and don’t speak the language yet, but is there anything wrong with this? I don’t think so. I think I am doing exactly the right thing.

The fact that I don’t fit in just means that I am pushing myself out of my comfort zone and giving myself daily challenges. While these challenges at times are beyond frustrating they are making me grow into a person I am proud of.

My goal for myself is to be just fine with not fitting in and own the fact that I am a foreigner living here in Iceland and that is just fine. No one is looking down on me and one day I will surprise myself and be able to work my way through the language barrier with ease. I guess I should get on with my other goal of studying more Icelandic to make this possible!

So if your feeling like you don’t quite fit in, whatever area of your life this may be, just think your exactly where you are suppose to be. And remember feeling uncomfortable means your challenging yourself and when your outside of your comfort zone that’s when the magic happens!

Now I need to remind myself of my own advice and embrace the uncomfortable feelings!

Question of the Day?
Do you ever feel like you don’t fit in? How do you handle it?

Linking up with Treasure Tromp and Her&Nicole

March 27, 2014 by
Previous Post Next Post
  • http://confuzzledom.wordpress.com/ bevchen

    I speak English with Jan all the time, even when out and about and I don’t care if people are judging me. It probably helps that I could speak German if I wanted to, though… so if anyone IS saying anything about the ignorant foreigner I will KNOW! I expect people here just assume I’m a tourist.

    • http://unlockingkiki.com/ Kaelene Spence

      A lot of people that I have met that haved lived in Iceland for longer feel the same, they don’t care what people think but they can also understand more Icelandic than me. I am sure with time I will get more comfortable with it as well.

  • http://www.travel-vanberry.blogspot.com/ Van Berry

    I know exactly how you feel even though I’m not even living abroad permanently yet. During my 4 weeks in Stockholm I had a couple of situations where I switched back to English even though I could have spoken Swedish but was too afraid that people wouldn’t understand me….again. The more situations occur where you fail with the new language, the less you want to use it. At least that was what I was feeling. And what makes it worse is the transition phase (that you might be going through too?) between having no language skills at all and speaking fluently. I’m currently stuck in the middle and it just frustrates me. I can understand almost everything of the newspaper and on TV. I even started reading Swedish novels recently, which is a major breakthrough! But as soon as it comes to actually speaking Swedish with other people, I’m out. I hate that but I guess it only gets better if you’re at least trying to use the language constantly even though it sometimes make you feel like a looser. It just has to get better at some point! My course mates in the Swedish course I did in Stockholm were also feeling the same way and they have been living in that country for 6-8 months now. But when the first one of the group got a job, everyone else was raising hope again and suddenly everyone was way more motivated to learn the language again. And you have a job! And you did an Icelandic course! You’re definitely not an outsider but from the way I see it, you’re integrating yourself into society just fine! So relax and have H help you because having a boyfriend whose mother tongue is the language you want to learn, is a huuuuge advantage! ;)

    • http://unlockingkiki.com/ Kaelene Spence

      Thanks so much! It sounds like you are doing really well with your Swedish as well, reading in another language is tough so great job!

  • http://bristolinmypocket.blogspot.co.uk/ Sara Rose

    This is such a great post! Luckily I don’t have to deal with a language barrier but I still feel the minute I open my mouth people start to judge me. It’s very common for people to ask me to repeat what I said because they weren’t prepared for me to have a different accent, thus they tuned out everything. Lol

    • http://unlockingkiki.com/ Kaelene Spence

      Thanks Sara! Right, its like as soon as they hear something different they go into a bit of shock before they start listening again.

  • http://djseaward.tumblr.com/ Cynthia

    Dang, this was incredibly inspirational. Thank you Kaelene! I feel like this CONSTANTLY, and I have to admit that some days I do get really down about it. It’s so important to keep it in perspective. I do think another Icelandic class will only help and make you feel even more comfortable there if you have the time to take one :)

    • http://unlockingkiki.com/ Kaelene Spence

      So glad you enjoyed i Cynthia, thank you! I agree, I think getting back into my Icelandic classes will really help me out with feeling more comfortable.

  • http://megantofrancewithlove.blogspot.com/ Megan

    My exact thoughts on a daily basis.. I often wonder if people can tell by my accent that I’m American or not, and if so what they think about that. Most people probably don’t even care, I just make it much more of a big deal than it actually is. And if even makes me second guess simple things, like I find myself wondering ‘well what if they do it differently here and everybody will notice I don’t belong’ silly things like that. It’s hard to be confident in being different sometimes! These are the things I didn’t really think about before being an expat. Oh well, it’s definitely making us stronger! :)

    • http://unlockingkiki.com/ Kaelene Spence

      I agree, I didn’t really think of this before becoming an expat but I think it makes us much stronger!

  • http://www.rhymeandribbons.com/ Amanda

    I can only imagine that it’s also really difficult to go from amazing independent lady to need H to help you out more than you’d ever need State side. I think in situations like this it’s easy to assume that everyone is judging you, when in reality they aren’t at all! I think you are super inspirational and are making this incredible life-altering decision to live in and learn Icelandic and should be proud! x

    • http://unlockingkiki.com/ Kaelene Spence

      Thanks so much Amanda, feel free to come to Iceland and by my own personal cheerleader:) I think both of us are pretty brave and amazing for moving to different countries!

  • http://sophieinclogs.com Sophie

    I often feel like I don’t fit in, sadly, but it’s something I’m working on. My Dutch is getting to be pretty okay, but I have this sort of irrational fear of being ‘found out’ when I speak Dutch to strangers - like if I suddenly don’t understand something or can’t express myself, the Dutch person will suddenly realize that I’m a fraud!!
    Rationally, it’s like - who even cares? But it doesn’t help when you’re feeling a bit out of place to begin with and just want a simple shopping trip to be as easy as it would be back home.

    • http://unlockingkiki.com/ Kaelene Spence

      Right! When I am listening to Icelandic and go to respond I second guess myself that I didn’t understand what they were actually saying or something. I think over time it will start to get easier and more comfortable, at least I hope so!

  • http://www.sarainlepetitvillage.com/ Sara Louise

    I really enjoyed this post and your honesty Kiki, I can completely relate. When I first moved to France, I felt uncomfortable most of the time, and it was because of the language barrier. Normally, I’m a fairly confident person, but take away my ability to communicate, and I felt vulnerable. I didn’t like it one bit! At least you have the right attitude. Have faith in yourself, you’ll get there :)

    • http://unlockingkiki.com/ Kaelene Spence

      Thanks so much Sara! Losing my confidence wasn’t something I really thought about when moving abroad but I think trying to stay positive definitely will help and eventually I will be comfortable again.

  • http://www.diariesofanessexgirl.com/ Kate Hall

    I really like that quote! Plus Azora is absolutely adorable, she looks like she wants a cuddle ;). I feel like that about all dogs though, haha.

    I completely agree with you on the language barrier making you feel like an outsider. It’s so uncomfortable at times. I do feel fortunate that in Germany they are very accommodating for English speakers, but it doesn’t change the awkward feeling of not understanding what is going on.

    • http://unlockingkiki.com/ Kaelene Spence

      Haha I think all dogs I see need kisses, totally normal. I agree, everyone here is very accommodating to English speakers but it is still uncomfortable not always knowing what is going on. Are you learning German or do you already know some? So tough to learn a language and be comfortable using it, at least for me!

  • http://www.wanderlyn.com/ Eternally WanderLyn

    Such a wonderful post & awesome advice. I think we all have those moments where we feel like we don’t fit in, but it’s good for us to get out of our comfort zones. It enables us to try new experiences and to grow as people. :)

    • http://unlockingkiki.com/ Kaelene Spence

      Thanks so much! I agree these uncomfortable moments are what will help us try new things and grow as individuals.

  • http://www.chicadeedee.com/ Dannielle @ Chic-a-DeeDee

    I used to feel like that too, and they speak English in the country I moved to! So I think it’s about getting more comfortable with your surroundings as well. I’ve embraced the fact though that with my accent no matter how long I live here, everyone will always ask me where I’m from and take an interest, which is kind of cool too.

    • http://unlockingkiki.com/ Kaelene Spence

      I agree, the more comfortable I get with my surroundings the more comfortable I am with other things as well. It is true, the accent is usually a great conversation starter!

  • http://www.quaintrelleblog.com/ Setarra

    Oh yes, I think everytime I move to a new place or start a new job, I feel like a fish out of water. But I totally agree with you in that every transition I’ve gone through has been about pushing myself out of my comfort zone because I hate feeling tooo comfortable. The best kind of growth happens in those moments of transition. Alot of times it’s not about fitting in with others but about finding a place or group of people who fit in with YOUR lifestyle. Keep doing you girl!

    • http://unlockingkiki.com/ Kaelene Spence

      Feeling to comfortable is not my favorite at all even though I know it is making me grow as a person. Great advice though, it is definitely important to find people who fit in with me!

  • http://tothedayslikethis.blogspot.co.uk/ Sammy Dorn

    This is such a great post. It must get so overwhelming at times not speaking the language. Good on you for jumping in and learning it!

    • http://unlockingkiki.com/ Kaelene Spence

      It does get overwhelming at times for sure! I need to get back to learning the language again!

  • Sindri Sverrisson

    I always feel uncomfortable in IKEA.

    • http://unlockingkiki.com/ Kiki

      haha I am glad I am not the only one :)

    • http://unlockingkiki.com/ Kaelene Spence

      Haha I am glad I am not the only one!

  • http://voyageofthemeemee.com/ Amanda MeeMee

    “The fact that I don’t fit in just means that I am pushing myself out of my comfort zone and giving myself daily challenges” SUCH a good way to put it!!!!!!!! :D

    • http://unlockingkiki.com/ Kaelene Spence

      Thanks so much Amanda! At least I try and remind myself of that every time I feel uncomfortable.

  • http://heleneinbetween.com/ Helene

    I think it’s important to push yourself out of your comfort zone and NOT fit in. it actually helps you discover more about yourself. great perspective!

    • http://unlockingkiki.com/ Kaelene Spence

      I agree, I don’t want to just always be comfortable that will get boring. So even though it is hard at times it gives me so many great experiences!

  • http://www.adeecodedlife.com/ Dee

    I totally agree with you. I used to be such a shy person, but when I was pushed out of my comfort zone, I learned to adapt and become the person that I am today. Just keep on keeping on and in time, you’ll start to be comfortable.

    • http://unlockingkiki.com/ Kaelene Spence

      Same here, I was so shy but when your put into challenging situations it really brings you out of your shell. Thanks for the advice Dee, I can feel how much more comfortable I get with each passing month!

  • http://therococoroamer.blogspot.com/ Brittany Ruth

    I know what you mean. I don’t know German . I took Spanish in high school not German. But my husband can speak German and I hate that I have to rely on him for most of our interactions outside. I get frustrated when I want to try to speak German and if it’s not perfect they just act like they don’t know what I’m saying or they go straight into English. I’m trying to learn and I think German generally isn’t too difficult but even my husband likes to correct me when I’m trying so I get discouraged. I totally will not look at foreigners in America the same way when I return home.

    • BlushandBarbells

      I had the problem of constant corrections when I tried to learn Korean. I never EVER do that to people struggling with English because they are making an effort and if I can understand what they’re saying, it’s good enough. It is really discouraging so I gave up.

      • http://unlockingkiki.com/ Kaelene Spence

        I agree! I get so discouraged when I am constantly being corrected, I know they are just trying to help but it makes me not as willing to try.

    • http://www.travel-vanberry.blogspot.com/ Van Berry

      @brittanyruth:disqus I’m so sorry! But Germans are a bit like French people when it comes to foreigners not speaking their language. Although most Germans can’t even speak English properly (not even Mrs Merkel). But if you’ve encountered German who switched to English for you, you were extremely lucky because not all of them are willing to do so if they can and most of them just can’t. I wouldn’t speak English fluently myself if I hadn’t studied it at Uni…..It’s just important to not give up and to speak German even though they speak English with you. I do that in Sweden too and it pays off eventually….even though it’s frustrating at the beginning ;)

    • http://unlockingkiki.com/ Kaelene Spence

      It is so hard when you have to rely on someone for simple things I totally understand. Even though H is a native Icelandic speaker it almost makes it harder for me to practice with him since he is helping me and correcting me, but it instead just discourages me a bit. I so agree, I will never look at foreigners in America the same way!

  • http://www.notentirelyperfect.com/ Stephanie

    You’re learning! I’m sure no one thinks about it as much as you are, but I can definitely see how it’s a really uncomfortable situation. Just wait until you’re fluent and you’ll look back at this post and laugh :)

    • http://unlockingkiki.com/ Kaelene Spence

      I can’t wait tell I am fluent and can look back on these posts and just smile!

  • http://www.kayliwanders.com/ Kayli Schattner

    Love this! I sometimes feel like I don’t fit it when I’m around certain people that hang out 24/7, have those inside jokes, etc. I just remind myself that I have people like that too and that’s okay:) Love your pup pic by the way- too cute!

    • http://unlockingkiki.com/ Kaelene Spence

      I so know what you mean. When you feel like the odd man out with the inside jokes it can be so uncomfortable. Thanks so much, I had to have a cute pup picture on here somewhere:)

  • http://luyoutravel.blogspot.com/ Elizabeth Georgian

    You’ll learn! It just takes a ton of time, and unfortunately can come with some awkward and uncomfortable moments. Good luck!

    • http://unlockingkiki.com/ Kaelene Spence

      Thanks Elizabeth! Very true I can tell it will take a ton of time and lots of awkward moments but hopefully one day I will get there.

  • notbeforemytea

    I felt JUST like that when I first moved to Chicago… and they speak English here! haha but just the different lifestyle, having to ask people stupid things like how the public transportation works, where am I supposed to get gas for my apartment, how do I get furniture without a car, how to even hail a cab… I felt stupid and self-conscious most of the time. and it’d be so much easier to just stay in our comfort zones where we know exactly how to do everything, and nothing is scary or hard ir overwhelming. some people do and if that’s what they want, that’s fine… but moving to Chicago alone is one of the things I am most proud of doing. and now, I feel as comfortable here as I’ve felt anywhere else. and if I were you, I would be incredibly proud of moving across the WORLD. so… rock on!

    • http://unlockingkiki.com/ Kaelene Spence

      I agree, of course it would be easy to just stay in our comfort zones but the things that I am most proud of are those outside of my comfort zone that I have done. Your very brave to move somewhere on your own so I think we both deserve a celebration for how awesome we are :)

  • http://letuswanderlust.blogspot.com/ Carly @ Let Us Wanderlust

    I can relate so well to this post! When I was a shy little 14 year old girl, I lived with a family in Paris and attended school there. Being so young at the time, I was totally unprepared for how little I would feel like I fit in. At times it was completely isolating and I just felt so terrified that I was all alone in a family who didn’t speak English and while I was nearly fluent in French, I was too shy and worried about making mistakes (which would have made me stand out further) to push myself to converse much. Now that I’ve grown up a fair bit, I can appreciate that it wasn’t just because I was young, feeling like you don’t fit in at any age can be really tough. But like you said, it pushes you to live outside your comfort zone and embrace the challenges that come your way. I’m certainly proud of the woman I am now and proud of the challenges I embraced and learnt to deal with along the way!

    • http://unlockingkiki.com/ Kaelene Spence

      Wow I couldn’t imagine going to Paris at 14 yours so brave! And how awesome you can speak fluent French good for you. I think a post needs to happen about this experience so I can learn more!

  • http://agirlandhertravels.com/ Polly

    I definitely felt like this at times and it’s so easy to just want to hide rather than make an effort to do something really challenging. It’ll get better, I promise, and if it doesn’t, just think that it’s always making you tougher/stronger!

    • http://unlockingkiki.com/ Kaelene Spence

      True, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger right! I can feel how much easier things get with time though so I hope it will just continue to get more easy.

  • http://independenttravelcats.com/ Jessica - Independent Travel C

    I think we all feel this way sometimes, even in our own towns. It’s good that you are reflecting on it and seeing it was not too big of a deal in the big scheme of things. Good for you for planning to take language classes, I think it is great when people at least try to speak the language in places they are going to be living for awhile.

    • http://unlockingkiki.com/ Kaelene Spence

      Even though its uncomfortable it helps me to reflect back on these feelings and puts it into perspective. I think learning the language of the place you will be living is important as well. I have learned so much in my two language classes I have taken and am looking forward to learn much more.

  • http://www.jadeoak.com/ jackie jade

    i have visited other countries where i don’t speak the language and i feel out of place. so i can only imagine what it’s like living in another country like that. hope you can continue to feel more and more comfortable there!

    • http://unlockingkiki.com/ Kaelene Spence

      Thanks Jackie! I think over time I will just get more and more comfortable here, at least I hope so!

  • Camila

    My personal opinion is that it’s normal not to fit in in other countries, because their experience is so different from the one you got growing up in a different country. That’s just the whole point isn’t it? We’re all different and yet the same. Like you said it’s a challenge and it’s frustrating at times, but so worth it! also not fitting in is okay (fitting in is totally overrated isn’t in? ;)) and it doesn’t mean the place won’t feel like home.

    Also, I think it’s normal to be overwhelmed by a language you don’t completely understand, but in my experience people are usually super excited when you try! It makes the locals feel so special that you make an effort, that you loved their country so much that you want to be there (well the open minded ones at least) and that you want to learn their language (especially Icelandic since i’m assuming only about 300 000 people in the world speak that language lol).

    • http://unlockingkiki.com/ Kaelene Spence

      Ya I agree its not normal to fit in with other countries, if only it didn’t feel so uncomfortable! But it is very rewarding for sure;)

      Haha right, it depends on the Icelander. Some are nice and excited to hear your trying. Others are a bit rude about it so I try and just steer clear of them!

  • http://www.thecharmingblog.com/ Amy Charming

    Maybe you should become mute? Haha, no I’m kidding! You learn to blend in. My husband and his family are immigrants and they came from an English speaking country in Africa, but it’s clear they aren’t from here. It took a long time and my husband came here during high school and moved to the “country” in the South so he stood out like a light in the darkness. It was certainly hard, but I hope that Icelandic people are a little bit better about newbies than the ignorant South USA!

    How is Iceland? Man, I’ve love to visit one day. It’s one of those “if I ever get the chance” because it’s hard visiting places when there’s a husband involved who has a say in the matter, too.

    Thanks for linking up with Lovely Thursdays!

    • http://unlockingkiki.com/ Kaelene Spence

      Yes I am think Icelandic people are much more welcoming! I love Iceland, you need to get your husband on board for a visit!